Tuesday, November 18, 2008

He Done Come Up (The Life and Times of Donnell Wright)

I first met Dirty (Donnell aka Dorful aka Dornilious Fog aka MC Forehead) back when I was about 10 years old playing flag football for the Ashland Vikings. Since my weight was well ahead of my height during this stage of my development I was assigned a role on the offensive line. We in the business call it the O-line...you in the public call it the a bunch of fat guys trying to stop another bunch of fat guys. I don't recall what position Dirty played, though I do remember him having a well manicured beard back then. We won most of our games and went to the playoffs, but I don't recall if we won the championship. By the end of the season came around I was too busy talking to NFL scouts and posing for the "Husky" section in the JC Penny catalog. I do remember receiving a trophy, which later melted after sitting outside too long. Leaving the figure to appear as if it were stricken with a wicked case of the rickets and spine bifida.

But anyway back to Dirty.

I remember my cousins Chico and Reece not liking Donnell and some other black guy in middle school. One day while walking through the hall I passed Donnell and said other black guy. Dirty declared: "There go their cousin right there."

To which I replied "...".

You see, it was a middle school attended by 4oo kids...about 315 of those kids were related to me. All the fame that goes along with being on a successful flag football team had long since faded and I was used to not being referred to by name at this point.

I don't remember interacting with Dirty again until I was about to graduate high school. As part of a secret plan to win the trust of the white man, Dirty and I met again through some mutual "friends". Dirty was even in the band "The Bodegas" until his endless womanizing and drug abuse caused the band to split. He then became a regular face at parties..in the white shed...and even in fantasy leagues.

And now he is an internet sensation. You can put his name in the same conversation as Tay Zonday and Eli Porter. All do to one picture being posted on www.digg.com. Although one would think dropping Ian Kinsler from your fantasy baseball team would garner more attention.

Excellent form. Eyes closed, elbows in and boobs standing strong.

That picture was taken at Patrick's bachelor party. So was this.

McKenna got that gator so wasted.

Eat up the fame Dirty. Eat it like a warm bowl of oatmeal on a frigid winter morn. Take it from a Has Been flag football player like myself...it goes away all too quickly.

Consider this post a toast to Dirty. Friend, Mammal, Fellow Niner Faithful and Blow-up Doll Captain. When the revolution comes may the white man tremble before you! (Those of the white race please disregard that last line.)


tiburon said...

I am incensed! This aggression will not stand, man! Dirty and his brother Delton (fellow 1991 Ashland Dodger, also a crackshot with the D-battery he implanted in the back of our bus driver's head ) used to get into fights on the school bus. They knew better than to step to me, but they sure liked stepping to one another. There was another time when Dirty and I listened to 'Souls of Mischief - '93 Til Infinity' together. It felt good to be accepted by a black man back then. And now, after years of progress... 911's a joke, and so is this blog. Psychotonomy has a massive legal department, and you folks are all sued.

Swampfoot Nelson said...

beautiful derek.... as the taker of those photos and the innovator behind the fat lady blow up doll slip n slide i am pleased to see it has become an internet craze

Matt said...

i believe co-inventor is more like it. i brought that shit into existence and still have the slip n slides...i wish we had videos of that day and videos of me convincing mike that i was not gonna wreck/hurt/alter his motorcycle that night and definitely not drive it on the wet grass after drinking 13 beers

Swampfoot Nelson said...

lets not make this allll about matt here ...this is Dirts SPOTLIGHT!