Thursday, December 30, 2010

Who Dares to Trifle with the Mighty Mocktopus?

After a bout with bacterial bloom Duh Tank! is back in order...minus two frogs, but back in order nonetheless.  Big Zeb gets snared in the grip of the Mocktopus and learns who is the master of the aquarium.  JOKES!  He just likes to hide there.

Music: Psy/Opsogist - "Christ, Castro and Candy"

Friday, December 10, 2010

Bill Watterson's Early Work

A great illustration by Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes).  Too bad he couldn't keep people from using his creation for dumb shit.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

And Tweeeeeiiiinnnnsss

Starting to figure out what Adobe Premiere has to offer.  That split in the middle is a bitch, but I liked it for a first try.  I just learned the "teleport" effect as well.  If I can figure out how to use that professionally in my current position I will consider my time here very beneficial.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Greensville Gazette 2010 Issue #1

4 games in we are starting to figure out who are the players and who is being played. Only one team remains undefeated and only one team remains winless. Early season disappointments (Favre, Larry Fitzgerald), big injuries (Ryan Grant, Kevin Kolb) and trades (Beastman Lynch and Randy Moss) have kept the waiver wire very active. In this year’s premiere issue, we will look at how each team has fared and where they may be heading.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Despite President Obama's Wishes...

...Joy had a birthday. I made a video for her.

Friday, September 3, 2010


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Bitch, Is That a Gay Dinosaur?

So my sketchbook is more or less used to take notes at work during meetings. However, while pretending to listen I can also doodle whatever comes to my mind. My latest effeminate T-Rex. To be honest, I got the idea from an episode of Kids in the Hall.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Matt McKenna's Video Resume

I'd apologize for my loud dumb laugh, but it really helps the slow mo video. A full video of the beach trip is in the works...stay tuned.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Up To Our Old Tricks Again

Almost time for the beach. Shaun can't wait to empty his guts out on the sand again.

Friday, May 28, 2010


I have two pals at work. Well, I have friends here, but the only two who keep me company throughout the day are Pandabot and Jihabot. Oddly enough they are gifts from my friend and ambassador of all things pleasant, Joy. I'm experimenting with my new camera and editing software so eventually something completely nonsensical would be created. Open wide.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Slaving Over a Hot Desktop

They really don't pay me enough for all the work I do. These people couldn't wipe their ass without me.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Preakness: A Balance of Booze, Horses and the Sun

What I learned from my visit to the Preakness:

1. I'm still a big fan of sundresses and the women who host them.

2. The Mug Club ($20 all-you-can-drink) is a good idea...until you risk running out of beer...then prepare for sweaty, drunk and sunburned riot.

3. Port-a-potties are still gross. My advice, do all your drinking and eating early so you don't have to use them after all the people who have been stuffing themselves with burgers, burritos and funnel cakes. If you must go, try to find a stable with an apathetic horse.

4. Collective Soul still exists...I don't know why.

5. Protect your lawn chairs with your life. Drunk guys in need of rest have a rather socialist view on seating. This guy was actually the second dude to take a spell in our chairs. Not that we minded, but when you can't even eat efficiently due to your intoxication - its probably time to call it a day.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Cool Headed Letter to The Piece of Shit Who Broke into My Car

Dear Worthless Thieving Junky Asshole:

What were you thinking? What did you see in my car that made you think "Oh shit! Jackpot!"? Was it the Taco Bell wrappers or my bag of heroin? It definitely wasn't my bag of heroin, cause as everyone knows I keep my "Mexican Mud" in the tank behind the toilet. And what was up with going through my glove box and throwing the contents all over the car? Did the wet naps send you into a furious rage?

Thanks for taking all my CDs by the way. I hope you find someone who wants to buy a burned copy of Black Sabbath's Paranoid or my Shonen Knife collection. You didn't take my change or my Ipod charger, just my workout clothes and my music. Is that some sort of sign? Should I not be working out or enjoying obscure hip-hop? Nah, you just aren't very good at what you do. I'm going to go put out the word to all the local drug dealers that if they are offered Saafir's Boxcar Session in exchange for some "Racehorse Charlie" to refuse you service. Hope you can find some "Big Harry" on the east side of Baltimore, cause you are cut off over here son!

What about not even touching the American flag tie? No interest in being patriotic huh? It actually makes sense now...the stolen music...the disorganized destruction...the unwillingness to take my patriot tie...the fucking Taliban broke into my car!

Well you are probably back in your cave in AIDSganistan now, but rest assure you won't get away with this. You might have taken my music, but you left something very near and dear to your heart behind - your filthy fucking needles! Have fun shooting up that WMD, Spidah bags or Red-tops without your AIDS sticks.

Seriously: Thanks for costing me a shitload of money I don't have and causing me to miss a day of work and a chance to go to Asheville. I would say karma will catch up with you, but I'm sure your crippling addiction is punishment enough. Not saying I would mind you being attacked by herd of rabid beavers, but I'm sure you'll meet an untimely end by choking on your own vomit or tongue...God Bless.


Friday, March 12, 2010

History of Baseball 301 (Part 2)

You might often wonder why there aren't more instances of bat related violence in baseball. Especially when batters are on the business end of the 90 plus mph fastballs. One reason we don't see more baseball bat bruising and bludgeoning is the very intricate and legal art of arguing with officials.

"Jane! Get me off of this crazy thing!"

Tommy Lasorda is one hell of a manager and made the practice of invading an umpire's personal space an important element of 80's and 90's baseball. However, to find the best case of a managerial meltdown you are gonna have to venture down in both professional ability and geography. This is the story of Mississippi Braves' minor league manager Phil Wellman. Ladies and gentlemen for your viewing pleasure: The Best Baseball Meltdown of All-Time:


In the opening seconds you'll see the respect to arguing etiquette as both the umpire and Wellman remove their hats. There is nothing worse than trying to scream down someone's throat only to be prevented by the bill of your own lid. It's downright uncouth and has resulted in numerous bruised foreheads and destroyed brims.

After pointing out the closest emergency exits and the size of a bass he had caught earlier in the day, Wellman takes the shtick of kicking dirt on home plate to the next level. Notice the attention to detail and to top it off he outlines a home plate more suitable for the umpire's vision. This is a masterpiece in the making folks.

Next he notices that 3rd base, while being a practical idea and solid hip-hop group, is also a tripping hazard and places it in shallow center field out the way.

Then he delivers the coup de grace. In an act of pure theater he takes cover and methodically creeps to the pitcher's mound in full Metal Gear Solid mode. He grabs the rosin bag and chucks it like a hand grenade at the umpire. Whose response is so stoic you know he had say "C'mon Son" or at least a "Child Please".

To top it off 2nd base makes the mistake of being an inanimate object that gets in his way, so he decides to take both 3rd and 2nd base with him. "What about 1st base?" you might say. The first rule of showmanship is to always leave them wanting more and thus Wellman makes his way to the waiting exit and thanks the crowd for their support.

Oh minor league baseball, no wonder you are synonymous with acts of amateurish non proffesionalism and have given us the term "Bush League". Just because you are a manager for baseball's version of purgatory doesn't mean you can't go out with a major league meltdown.

Hats off to you Phillip Wellman...where ever you are.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Friday Pot Luck

Can you smell it my friends? The weekend is creeping up and it has been a long time since I've tried to get you fired. In the name of slacking off here are a few links that got sent my way this week that I thought others might enjoy.

A bit of the ultra violence. (Frank151)

The significance of flies, the case for Sarah Palin's whiteness and why smart is sexy are the topics that will be covered at next weekend's DC Nerd Nite. My boy Jason Keagy will be presenting so if you are in the area come on out. (DC Nerd Nite)

James "Lights Out Toney" signs with the UFC. Finally a big boxing name enters MMA, too bad he is over 40, overweight and overly gassed on his own abilities. (Cage Potato)

Ralph Nader has been right about many things over the years including the shortcomings (I'm being friendly) of the Obama administration. (Truth Dig)

IGN runs down the top 100 Comic Book Villains of all time. Great list, but I would have had Venom in the top 5. (IGN)

Jim Carey as Reagan is fantastic. Everyone else (except the guy still on SNL) is on point as well. (Funny or Die)

The hunt for gainful employment continues. (Golliblogs)

Ever find yourself just not feeling the same about your robots? Me too. (Break-Up Bots)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

History of Baseball 301 (Part 1)

When I was an undergraduate history major, my college actually offered a course titled "Baseball History 301". Had I not been a graduate level procrastinator I might have actually signed up before it filled up in 5 minutes.

With Opening Day just under a month away I wanted to examine some of my favorite moments in the sport. Oddly enough, none of my favorite moments involve feats of great athleticism or achieving career milestones. I really just dig the fights and drugs.

One of my favorite baseball moments was the day 26 year old Robin Ventura decided to buy a one-way ticket on the Nolan express.

Nolan Ryan (46 years old) is to baseball what Dalton is to the Double Deuce, about 3 gallons of ass whoopin' packed into a pint glass. During a Texas Rangers vs. Chicago White Sox game in 1993, Ryan hit Ventura with a 96 mph fastball. Being hit by a pitch normally awards the batter a trip to first base, unless of course they find the pitcher's mound more attractive real estate. Ventura should have chosen the former. One only needs to watch the first minute of the video to witness the extent of his error.

Robin Ventura Charges Mound Against Nolan Ryan from CoasterNick3157 on Vimeo.

Several things to note:

- At the 0:07 mark you'll notice Ventura take a second to gather his thoughts. I don't know what was going through his mind, but it should have been "Walk my ass to first base and take out my frustrations on the next elderly man I see".

- At the 0:10 mark his bullish charge becomes a regretful saunter, but it's too late, he already made his move and now young one you must learn...a snake cannot eat a dragon.

- At 0:54 you'll see what can only be described as the most homoerotic scene in MLB's history.

- When the heat starts back up around 1:45 you'll notice Bo Jackson in the thick of the tussle. Bo knows conflict resolution.

Robin Ventura isn't a bad guy and definitely not a bad baseball player. He was simply a victim of anger and impulse. You can't take away his charity work, golden gloves or all-star appearances, but his legacy will remain the guy who stepped to Nolan Ryan and got handled.

Damn I love baseball!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Rob Wooten Diss Haiku

Notice anything different other than the fact that I'm back to posting on a regular basis? Yep, your boy got a new look complete with an awesome header image courtesy Rob Wooten, but only after he dissed me on Facebook.

It was obvious he wanted social media beef, so I decided to cook it up hibachi style for him with an emasculating haiku.

Day Job

Peace to Rob Wooten
I am not good at dissing
Thanks for the header

Someone just got 5-7-5'd straight to the guts.

Monday, February 15, 2010

A Decade Ago...

Billy a.k.a Nuthead's car sploded on the way to Scribble Jam 2000. Matt refuses to keep his shirt on.

While cleaning up the apartment the other day I came across an old photo album. Inside is a compilation of moments from my early 20's. Most of the pictures came from going to Scribble Jam in Cincinnati in 2000 and 2001. Here are a couple pics that reminded me of what it was like to have virtually no worries.

Erica and I: This was obviously before I got tattooed and grew armpit hair. I don't think I've ever seen my sister smile so big.

Billy's (Nuthead) car being towed en route to Scribble Jam 2000. You can't keep Ashland down though. We made it there, but only after Mike Hale had to rent a car.

From right to left: Mike Hale, Matt Dinsmore, Brad Douglas, Andrew (I can't remember how to spell Hognet), Billy Ennis (Nuthead) and Ryan Thompson. This was when we first got to Cincinnati and Ryan's expression pretty much sums up the journey.

Alex spinning some dude he had been e-beefing with on the Anticon message board at Scribble Jam 2001 (the last one I attended). I'm pretty sure Dose signed Alex's wife beater.

Despite our protest and the lack of an engine, Matt tries to "peel the eff out" of our backyard at our farewell party on Grace St. RVA. (Hell Block). Later that night the homeless man we let sleep in our backyard dropped this nugget on us in reference to an underage kid who got wasted and was in the process of puking on his own shoes: "He's dumb as a box of rocks...without the rocks"- Wild Bill.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Snowba Ranks or How I Learned to Stop Listening to the Voice of Reason.

Friday night after realizing I wasn't going to see Avatar due to the impending blizzard, I decided to man up (which is often synonymous with dumbing up) and drove through a blizzard 60 miles south to Centreville, VA. Why? Because there is a Korean BBQ joint that I've been dieing to eat at for weeks, but more importantly I wasn't going to let the snow win this time. The last two times it has snowed I've been trapped in my apartment...not this time. I shook my fist at the heavens and was rewarded with a great weekend of braving the elements, breaking doors, eating junk food and wet socks.

Before the second act of Snowpocalypse keeps me inside my apartment to watch movies and play video games until my television taps out, allow me to recap the weekend that was.

I'm not sure how this song became my anthem over the weekend, but it just seemed to fit.

Normal driving time to Centreville from Baltimore is around 1.5 hours. The driving time when a moron decides to put his Honda Civic on 95 south during the most powerful blizzard in over 80 years is roughly around 3 hours. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, but never anything this dangerously ignorant.

Number of vehicles I witnessed spin out: 6, including a bus right in front of me. All those hours of Mario Kart Wii paid off as I maneuvered my way around them. I should thank the Wu-Tang Clan for providing the head nodding soundtrack that pumped me up allowing me to continue this foolish journey.

Yeah this is horribly wrong, but you know how much I hate smoking.

Number of times I got stuck: 2. Once when I got back to Baltimore and once when Dave tried to carve his initials in the snow of a parking lot.

Number of vegetables/fruits eaten: I think I had a banana and I ate some grapes at the grocery store. I also made a sandwich out of waffle fries and biscuits at a Korean owned restaurant named BBQ Chicken and Beer.
Number of Sour Patch Kids eaten: Some would consider it genocide.

Movies watched

Zombieland: A good rival to Shaun of the Dead, but not as good as everyone made it out to be. Michael Cera must not have been available to play the lead role.

2012: Visually entertaining, but any movie featuring John Cusack successfully avoiding death for 3 hours is maddening.

Mean Girls: I will marry Tina Fey or die trying.

The second round of snow hasn't come crashing down yet, but I've got a Netflix account and a crippling addiction to Madden that says I'll be just fine the next few days. I did learn that if you get tired of something, you should take it upon yourself to change the situation. Will I drive through a blizzard so as to avoid being trapped inside for 3 days again? Maybe, depends on how stupid I'm feeling.