Saturday, August 30, 2008

Welcome Back

'DeadpoolSee More Deadpool Vol. 3 Various at

I understand no one cares about my dorkyness other than me so I'll keep this short.

YES! Just as I'm trying to jump back into the world of comics, Marvel brings back one of my favorite characters. In short, Deadpool is a character in the Marvel Universe who could have been used merely as comic relief, but has taken on some large roles in various story lines. Known as the one who can break the "fourth wall". This is explained by writer Daniel Way "He is one of the few characters who knows he is in a comic and acts accordingly". Similar to Wolverine he also survived the Weapon X program and shares Wolverine's healing abilities. This is compounded by the fact that before gene treatment he was diagnosed with terminal cancer which is at constant war with his body, though the consequence of this battle is that his cells make him impervious to psychological attack, yet have grossly disfigured his appearance.

Why I love this guy:
Deadpool/The Merc with a Mouth/Dead Man Wade is a character designed to move story lines. When he is present someone has ordered a hit and he has been brought on board to make sure the plan succeeds.
  • The mercenary has officially died 3 times (once in a parody of Superman's death, being brought back in four different versions of himself. See Funeral for a Freak...or the movie Steel featuring Shaq O'Neal...."Kobe how does my failed movie career taste?" ).
  • One of my other favorite characters Thanos, tried to kill him after he found out that Death herself was infatuated with him.
  • His latest return coincides with the new umbrella story line that involves the entire Marvel Universe "The Secret Invasion" in which an alien race, The Skrulls, have been killing/abducting superheros and replacing them with shape shifters. This may be the first time Deadpool is used as the traditional hero...though I doubt it will come to pass as such.
  • Though I'm not a big Ryan Reynolds fan, he will be playing Deadpool in the upcoming Wolverine spin-off movie.

Thats all the comic book talk I can put out right now and I'm sure you stopped reading when you realized this post was indeed about a comic book character in which you have no interest. Though take this to I'm a happier man/dork.

'DeadpoolSee More Deadpool Vol. 3 Various at

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


AP resources reports that long time friend and fashion coordinator, Joy Castro, will be having pasta salad for lunch on August 27th. "It was either pasta or a veggie chicken patty" remarked Joy when asked about her dining options. "A girl is faced with plenty of decisions during the day, none more important than will I or will I not consume pasta".

Ms. Castro has been under a lot of pressure from pro veggie chicken patty supporters to give the snack more face time. Protester Cindy McChickface stated her concern: "She's forgotten about us through no fault of our own". She went on to say. "Now that she is engaged to that guy who is going to lose to Derek in week 3 of fantasy football, she has no time for us now."

The barrier between pasta and vegetarian meat substitutes continues to grow and it is speculated that if nothing is done soon by the year 2010 there will be a lunch time war between the factions. When asked for a comment on the growing tension between the food groups, Joy replied: "Panty!".

Ms. Castro is pictured here leaving a pasta salad fund raiser in 2007.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown


I used to get this same feeling when I was a kid. About a week before Christmas I would get ants in my pants waiting for that magical morning. The anticipation was thick enough to choke a mule. Now here I am, 26 years old and I'm able to conjure up those past emotions for what is now my own personal religious holiday....The Fantasy Football Draft!!!!! Damn, I'm a nerd and I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh the excitement of getting your sleeper pick. The anger of watching someone draft Chad Pennington in the 2nd round. I swear to you there have been moments where my mouth has literally been watering waiting for my turn to snatch a diamond that had gone unnoticed. Only to have the manager in front of me take my pick. My mouth dried up faster than a snowball on the sun as I quickly scrambled to find another choice. I'll say it again...damn I'm a nerd.

I lost my fantasy virginity back in 2002 when I was asked to take over a team in my friend Sam's league. It was a very different world back then. Emmit Smith was a Cardinal, TO was a 49er and I had a social life. The biggest difference was that I finished dead last. This is a far cry from the present as I won both leagues last year...3 if you include fantasy baseball...I'll pause for your applause and admirations.... In 2004 I got with a sick ass clique and went all out...meaning I started the Greensville league, which has become an annual battleground for people far funnier than those in Sam's league.

If I could only put those achievements down on my resumé

Interviewer: "I see here your team The Scorpion Deathcocks took the league championship in 2007...very impressive"

Me: "I owe it all to the whitest man in the NFL...Kurt Warner"

Interviewer: "How does $250,000.00 a year sound?

Me: "Sounds a little light, considering I also led the Deckster Manlees to a championship that same year. My skills at selecting players and letting fate do the rest is a highly desirable commodity any agency would love to have...I suggest you pay up or shut up"

Interviewer: "Try not to make a scene when security arrives."

This Sunday will be a good time no matter how well I draft. For I know the next 17 Sundays and Mondays (and the occasional Thursday and Saturday) will provide tears, laughs and broken dreams. Damn, I'm a nerd...a nerd with two titles to defend.

So in the words of the Nature Boy Rick Flair: "To be the got to beat the man........(chest hack) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

here have a lil "Stylin' and Profilin'"

Sunday, August 10, 2008

"Why Go Hiking When You Can Ride a Jet Boat?"-

-Read a billboard on the way to Fontana, NC on Saturday. Unfortunately I was way too sleepy and way too slow to get a picture of the advertisement.

I got this pic though.

Despite popular belief Park is heterosexual. Also, he is now a certified semi-pro mountain biker... so congratulations are in order, despite his womanly wardrobe.

Went down to Fontana to watch Park compete in a 6-hour mountain biking endurance race. Met a lot of cool people, got some reading done and went swimming to boot. Though in the lead, Park decided to stop riding around hour 4 due to several flat tires, tightness in his legs and the fact that he wasn't having fun. Which raises a question about the idea of competition. If you are a racer, fighter and you aren't having fun; why continue when you've loss interest and there is no team relying on your efforts? I'd rather see my friend end a race prematurely and walk away happy, than continue just for the sake of a race, cramp up on the drive home and kill us both in his 1985 volvo going down a mountain. I do believe that resolve, integrity and the ability to commit are important traits, but a line must be drawn when they are used to one's detriment. Big ups to Skippy Titsworth though:

Saturday wasn't all racing and swimming. We were about a mile from the Fontana Dam, the tallest dam on the east coast. So I set upon this landmark with a digital camera in my hands and G-Unit's new CD "Terminate On Sight" in my ears. Ain't nature grand?

This was shot from the road that traverses on top the dam. I think I need to lay off the force perspective shot for a minute, but you get the idea. This was about the time 50 cent delivered a very important inquiry. "Alllll ABOARD!...bitch don't miss the train. Fifty dat nigga, fuck wrong witcha brain?"

Backside of the dam. Very pretty, very peaceful, very long fall from the top.

The Tennessee River I presume? I often hear people say that hydro electric is the cleanest form of energy. I don't know about that but 50 says "Spin the barrel on a nigga, pin the tail on the donkey. It's a zoo out this bitch, I put a hole in the monkey". It's not an energy policy, but I understand where he is going.

On top the dam. These big ole holes look down the middle of the structure. Not much to see though except some water, bombs and corpses. Not shown: water, bombs, corpses.

Passed a bonsai stand on the way back. If I were a richer man I would have bought one of the smaller plants. Park didn't buy anything either we are both jerks. They guy selling the plants kept referring to "The Karate Kid Show" I remember the movie, but I guess I missed the short lived daytime game show.

Oh yeah, moved to Asheville, NC last week. I'll explain later. Until then take it away Tony Yayo: "Next day it's the GT, stunt off of G.P. Fist full of stones, fingers glowin like E.T"

Lyrics and addition comedic fodder provided by