5 Cereals for Life

Let's say your cargo ship full of milk and cereal hits an iceberg...hey it happens to everyone. You have to craft a life boat out of 5 crates of cereal to float to a deserted island. The ship is taking on water and you have to make a decision...what 5 cereals are you gonna spend an indefinite amount of time with...perhaps until your sugary death.

In no particular order here are mine:

5. Honey Nut Cheerios
Simple and sweet and you never get tired of the taste...at least I don't. I could seriously eat this stuff until I went blind. Also any cereal good enough for Omar is good enough for me. *Warning the following clip includes a naked negro, firearms, drugs, and gay dudes*



4. Frosted Flakes
Theeeeeey're Great...for diabetes. I'm pretty sure I've eaten enough Frosted Flakes in my day to clear a Nebraska sized cornfield. If I'm spending my last days eating cereal, they are going to find me face down in bowl of pink soy milk.



3. Smart Start
Can't destroy your kidneys every day while you are possibly waiting on death. Every cereal addict needs a good go to "grown up" cereal. Also you never know if a sweet lady might wash up on shore with you, better to be prepared.

2. Corn Pops
Gotta have my Pops. Not Lester (pictured below), but the cereal in the big yellow box. The only cereal I have eaten an entire box of in a day...and then bought some more the following morning.



1. Trix (or if you frequent the generics on the bottom shelf Freaky Fruits)
I gotta have my artificially flavored, overly sweetened, fruit flavored cereals. Between Fruity Pebbles, Trix and Berry Kix; I'll go with the one that damn rabbit has been after for ages.





Honorable Mention: King Vitamin, Grape Nuts, Crispix and Golden Crisps.
Untouchables: Pac-Man Cereal, Anything with raisins, Honey Bunches of Farts.

Greensville: Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back.

So here we are. Back in the fields of Greensville for another fantasy football season. This year we have two new faces and some old mugs. So after week 1 let us has a look at this motley crew of dudes living through other’s achievements.

Team Jamaricana (Mckenna): Last year's champion has a decent roster, but nothing too scary.Playoffs for sure, but if Cutler doesn't perform in Chicago he is very beatable.

The Cunt Returner: Wide outs could pose problems and if Jason Campbell keeps the picks down he should have a decent year. RB's Ports and Bradshaw have to be a concern.

The Green Machine: The rookie definitely got the memo about QB's, but maybe not the one about RB's. WRs Owens and Housh are on new teams, so this machine will be hard to figure out for a couple of weeks.

BIG FACE SHANKSVILLE: Ol' Big Face might be Sad Face if his team of oldies doesn't show up. Wildcards Farve, Tomlinson will either be outstanding or awful. His defense will bail him out a few times for sure.

Chicken Hill Peckers (Me): Your’s truly once again decided to invest in QB and RB. Manning and Gore are gonna decide how far my team goes and with a little luck I’ll be in the playoff mix.

OrakPown'ed: 1st pick and wasn’t even there to choose. Doesn’t really matter though. AP and Moss are gonna be a headache for opponents, but Schaub and Collins at QB means he can be had.

Ballsacks: Matt wins the worst name competition for the fourth year in the row. A well rounded team, but Garrard at QB is a question mark. Mcnabb’s broken ribs didn’t help his situation either. Matt has to hope Megatron and Wes Welker can stay consistent enough to keep him close.

Will Reign Supreme: I hate to say it, but Dirty has the best team post draft. Rodgers and Romo could be the best QB combo by the end of the year and he has enough depth at RB to trade for better WRs. He may “beat” this year.

4th & Schlong: You can always pencil Ashton in for the playoffs, but he still needs to taste ultimate victory. Solid roster, but it’s lacking one fantasy monster. Another top tier RB or WR and this just may be the year he takes the cake.

The Muenchies: The second new face in Greensville may be in position to win both the baseball and football leagues. If he can move one of his TEs to support Brady and Orton

UFC 101 Predictions: The Kiss of Death (no tongue)

The last time Silva fought at 205 he won in less than 1 minute. Condom Depot shares plummeted.

You have no idea how bad I am at picking fights. If I were a betting man I would be a much poorer man as well. That won't stop me from giving the kiss of death to the fighters of UFC 101. Enjoy my keen insights into the fight game.

Josh Neer vs. Kurt Pellegrino

Not much interest in this fight (or any fight outside of the two main event(s)), but I see Neer putting the finish on Pellegrino's UFC career. Submission Rd. 2

Kendall Grove vs. Ricard Almeida

Grove is constantly improving and has enough reach to stay away from Almeida's ground game, but I don't think that saves him. Almeida Submission Rd. 1 (triangle for sure, those long arms aren't always an advantage)

Amir Sadollah vs. Johny Hendricks

RICHMOND WHAT! If Sadollah can actually make it to the Octagon without his knee exploding or getting beamed with a D-cell battery thrown from the Philly crowd I'll be surprised. I'll be even more surprised if his long awaited post TUF debut results in a win. Too much time out of the cage. Hendricks by Decision

Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin

When you game plan consists of the statement "Some body's gotta beat him, why not me?" you don't really sound like you have your opponent figured out. Despite his recent lack of aggression I'll keep picking Silva until I see someone hurt him. Silva TKO RD. 2

BJ Penn vs. Kenny Florian

"It's time to kill that master"- Kenny Florian. It's a tall order, but GSP proved you can break BJ Penn's spirit. Florian is hungry, his muay thai and grappling are vicious and his elbow are like raptor claws. Break out the fine china, because I smell some upset casserole a brewin'. I don't see BJ Penn finishing Florian, but I can see his lack of heart costing him the belt. Florian TKO Rd. 4

To recap, I humbly apologize to Neer, Almeida, Hendricks, Silva and Florian. Sorry blokes, but I had to pick someone.

Note: I hate Ashton Hart for actually going to UFC 101 in Philly.

Dusty Carville

My friend Meghan recently noted that her hairless cat, Dusty (pause for immature giggles), looked like James Carville and expressed frustration for not having Photoshop. I needed no further invitation to take a crack at the idea...Cajun style.