Monday, December 21, 2009

Shaun Couldn't Stay Awake

While Shaun sleeps all chaos breaks loose....

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Laundry Day

Just unfolded some laundry and found an extra sock. Don't think its mine...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Netflix Gold: Sketch Comedies

Kids in the Hall

Everyone loves SNL, The Chappelle show and MAD TV...well maybe not MAD TV. What you may have missed while you were probably constructively using your time studying or developing healthy relationships with others were a few sketch comedy shows that either were a little too off-the-wall or just simply too original and humorous to be appreciated. For your Netflix and Hulu pleasure here are 5 sketch shows that get the ole stamp of approval.

The Chris Rock Show - You are gonna have to rewind your think bone to around the year 2000, but it is Chris Rock with the advantages of being on HBO.

Kids in the Hall - There is only one reason to love Canada. Well 5 I guess.

Upright Citizens Brigade
- The best sketch show you should have watched more. I understand the irony of Comedy Central constantly canceling their shows with the best talent, but pulling off UCB for Battlebots...well it just helps explain the whole Carlos Mencia debacle.

Upright Citizens Brigade
Power Marketing
Joke of the DayStand-Up ComedyFree Online Games

The State - There are a lot of reasons to be upset with my parents, but none so damaging as not getting cable until after this show was canceled. Also check out Stella for more laughs.

Mr. Show - You probably know David Cross from Arrested Development or one of his comedy CDs (he is the guy who doesn't like Jesus or Republicans), but before that he and Bob Odenkirk had one hell of a show on HBO.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

5 Cereals for Life

Let's say your cargo ship full of milk and cereal hits an iceberg...hey it happens to everyone. You have to craft a life boat out of 5 crates of cereal to float to a deserted island. The ship is taking on water and you have to make a decision...what 5 cereals are you gonna spend an indefinite amount of time with...perhaps until your sugary death.

In no particular order here are mine:

5. Honey Nut Cheerios
Simple and sweet and you never get tired of the least I don't. I could seriously eat this stuff until I went blind. Also any cereal good enough for Omar is good enough for me. *Warning the following clip includes a naked negro, firearms, drugs, and gay dudes*

4. Frosted Flakes
Theeeeeey're Great...for diabetes. I'm pretty sure I've eaten enough Frosted Flakes in my day to clear a Nebraska sized cornfield. If I'm spending my last days eating cereal, they are going to find me face down in bowl of pink soy milk.

3. Smart Start
Can't destroy your kidneys every day while you are possibly waiting on death. Every cereal addict needs a good go to "grown up" cereal. Also you never know if a sweet lady might wash up on shore with you, better to be prepared.

2. Corn Pops
Gotta have my Pops. Not Lester (pictured below), but the cereal in the big yellow box. The only cereal I have eaten an entire box of in a day...and then bought some more the following morning.

1. Trix (or if you frequent the generics on the bottom shelf Freaky Fruits)
I gotta have my artificially flavored, overly sweetened, fruit flavored cereals. Between Fruity Pebbles, Trix and Berry Kix; I'll go with the one that damn rabbit has been after for ages.

Honorable Mention: King Vitamin, Grape Nuts, Crispix and Golden Crisps.
Untouchables: Pac-Man Cereal, Anything with raisins, Honey Bunches of Farts.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Greensville: Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back.

So here we are. Back in the fields of Greensville for another fantasy football season. This year we have two new faces and some old mugs. So after week 1 let us has a look at this motley crew of dudes living through other’s achievements.

Team Jamaricana (Mckenna): Last year's champion has a decent roster, but nothing too scary.Playoffs for sure, but if Cutler doesn't perform in Chicago he is very beatable.

The Cunt Returner: Wide outs could pose problems and if Jason Campbell keeps the picks down he should have a decent year. RB's Ports and Bradshaw have to be a concern.

The Green Machine: The rookie definitely got the memo about QB's, but maybe not the one about RB's. WRs Owens and Housh are on new teams, so this machine will be hard to figure out for a couple of weeks.

BIG FACE SHANKSVILLE: Ol' Big Face might be Sad Face if his team of oldies doesn't show up. Wildcards Farve, Tomlinson will either be outstanding or awful. His defense will bail him out a few times for sure.

Chicken Hill Peckers (Me): Your’s truly once again decided to invest in QB and RB. Manning and Gore are gonna decide how far my team goes and with a little luck I’ll be in the playoff mix.

OrakPown'ed: 1st pick and wasn’t even there to choose. Doesn’t really matter though. AP and Moss are gonna be a headache for opponents, but Schaub and Collins at QB means he can be had.

Ballsacks: Matt wins the worst name competition for the fourth year in the row. A well rounded team, but Garrard at QB is a question mark. Mcnabb’s broken ribs didn’t help his situation either. Matt has to hope Megatron and Wes Welker can stay consistent enough to keep him close.

Will Reign Supreme: I hate to say it, but Dirty has the best team post draft. Rodgers and Romo could be the best QB combo by the end of the year and he has enough depth at RB to trade for better WRs. He may “beat” this year.

4th & Schlong: You can always pencil Ashton in for the playoffs, but he still needs to taste ultimate victory. Solid roster, but it’s lacking one fantasy monster. Another top tier RB or WR and this just may be the year he takes the cake.

The Muenchies: The second new face in Greensville may be in position to win both the baseball and football leagues. If he can move one of his TEs to support Brady and Orton

Friday, August 7, 2009

UFC 101 Predictions: The Kiss of Death (no tongue)

The last time Silva fought at 205 he won in less than 1 minute. Condom Depot shares plummeted.

You have no idea how bad I am at picking fights. If I were a betting man I would be a much poorer man as well. That won't stop me from giving the kiss of death to the fighters of UFC 101. Enjoy my keen insights into the fight game.

Josh Neer vs. Kurt Pellegrino
Not much interest in this fight (or any fight outside of the two main event(s)), but I see Neer putting the finish on Pellegrino's UFC career. Submission Rd. 2

Kendall Grove vs. Ricard Almeida
Grove is constantly improving and has enough reach to stay away from Almeida's ground game, but I don't think that saves him. Almeida Submission Rd. 1 (triangle for sure, those long arms aren't always an advantage)

Amir Sadollah vs. Johny Hendricks
RICHMOND WHAT! If Sadollah can actually make it to the Octagon without his knee exploding or getting beamed with a D-cell battery thrown from the Philly crowd I'll be surprised. I'll be even more surprised if his long awaited post TUF debut results in a win. Too much time out of the cage. Hendricks by Decision

Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin
When you game plan consists of the statement "Some body's gotta beat him, why not me?" you don't really sound like you have your opponent figured out. Despite his recent lack of aggression I'll keep picking Silva until I see someone hurt him. Silva TKO RD. 2

BJ Penn vs. Kenny Florian
"It's time to kill that master"- Kenny Florian. It's a tall order, but GSP proved you can break BJ Penn's spirit. Florian is hungry, his muay thai and grappling are vicious and his elbow are like raptor claws. Break out the fine china, because I smell some upset casserole a brewin'. I don't see BJ Penn finishing Florian, but I can see his lack of heart costing him the belt. Florian TKO Rd. 4

To recap, I humbly apologize to Neer, Almeida, Hendricks, Silva and Florian. Sorry blokes, but I had to pick someone.

Note: I hate Ashton Hart for actually going to UFC 101 in Philly.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Dusty Carville

My friend Meghan recently noted that her hairless cat, Dusty (pause for immature giggles), looked like James Carville and expressed frustration for not having Photoshop. I needed no further invitation to take a crack at the idea...Cajun style.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Someone Take Photoshop Away From Me

I couldn't avoid the Michael Jackson media onslaught. My apologies in advance to the Jackson family, but my hand has been guided by forces beyond your comprehension.

Joe Jackson looks like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and you know it!

Jokes Joe, jokes. I hope I look that good when I'm a zombie with chewing gum face.

Goofing Off With Shank Nelpin

You are welcome...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Comic Review: Deadpool Vs. Thuinderbolts: Magnum Opus

Thanks to Shaun I'm putting my toes back in the waters of the comic world ever so gently. I decided to catch up by reading the comics I back in the day. Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, always puts a smile on my face. Humor isn't rare in comics, but Deadpool offers a unique vehicle for comedic writing. Spiderman is funny, but he is a hero. Deadpool is funny, but a merciless killer who next to impossible to kill (healing factor similar to Wolverine's). This tends to prevent any emotional concern for the character, but he brings a certain "Saturday Morning Cartoon" element to most storylines.

Magnum Opus Synopsis: So the Skrull invasion was thwarted by none other than Norman Osbourne (Formerly Green Goblin), but only with information stolen from DeadPool who in turn stole it from the Skrulls. This theft left DeadPool's street credit bruised and bank account empty. So with a genius plan (a direct assault on Osbourne's headquarters) DeadPool set out to get paid in one way or another. Enter the Thunderbolts, Osbourne's newest team of forgettable characters.


Storyline: In a word "decent". Any arch that involves DeadPool falling in love and courting someone trying to kill him (Black Widow 2) has some immediate appeal.

Art: Neither the DeadPool nor the Thunderbolts issues really blew me away, but the DeadPool guys (Medina, Gracia, Vlasco) had a style that was a bit more crisp.

Characters: Buy it for DeadPool, everyone else is pretty boring. Ghost, the intangible Thunderbolt, is a cool idea though.

Overall: (7/10) For a four issue $12 investment it's worth a read if you are a DeadPool fan. Otherwise you can find a better buy.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Beach Trip '09 (I swear we are all heterosexual)

And I thought I wasn't going to make it to the beach this summer. You might remember that I recently went on a camping trip with the F.S.U crew (Eff S Up). Much to my surprise I came back without any injuries. The two days of illegal fireworks, fishing, stink bombs, Kirby Puckett, and swimming were exactly what I needed to kick off the Summer of '09. Here are a few pictures from the trip that I deemed appropriate for RSS. Make sure you go full screen so you can read my witty comments.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Doink Kills It

I'm a sucker for simplicity and local artist DOINK gets me every time. Check out his/her latest piece by the tracks.

A lot of new stuff up in the River Arts District that I'll have to post. Until then check out my previous post about the graffiti near my house and around town.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Pray For Me

Going on my first camping trip tomorrow with the Brothers Nelson and McKenna. I figured this would be a good time to post a photo of myself if something happens to me. I really don't know what to expect the next couple of days. Will Shaun set McKenna on fire? Will Patrick get arrested with a lot lizard? Will I end up sleeping in my car, due to my total lack of camping gear? I guess we'll find out soon.

Last Known Photo:

What's up with Andrew in the background? It's like we're supposed to be at work or something. Wait a minute...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Friday Pot Luck

You would think a shark would have better form on a water slide.

So the final day of work this week is here and those of us working in front of computers know that the day is already lost. So might as well start off right with some highlights from the information super highway. Enjoy.

Now I'm just waiting for a bear to ride a roller coaster. (Gizmodo)

Wanderlei Silva interview. I like Rich Franklin, but Wandy is my boy. TKO 2nd round. (Cage Potato)

Ron Paul gets all up in Obama's grill. (Huff Post)

For the love of God, put Kobe Bryant in a Knick's Jersery! (2K Sports)

Take it from the fat kid, time to start eating right folks. (Food Inc.)

My dad swam into a school of jellyfish once...once. (Discovery Earth)

A lil something for my brothers and sisters in front of the monitors today.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Joy "Joybot" "Bani" "Waffle Butt" Castro/Hart (Side A)

Well I finally made it back and just in time for post 100. I never thought I'd live to see it, but here we are face to face with 100 examples of having too much time and on my hands. The "Big Hunnit" means I had to break out something special. Something out of the ordinary. Something that would shake our social structure down to its very roots. Something Cute....Something JOY!

I've known Joy for about 9 years or and I can say without hesitation that the pleasure is all hers. JOKES! I feel incredible fortunate to call Ms. Future Hart a dear friend. Out of all the chicks I know (both of them) she is definitely the funniest and most optimistic. She is one of the reasons why it took me so long to leave Richmond, as I very much miss seeing her every weekend for various adventures and visits to various foodatoriums. We stay connected by chatting online while we are both supposed to be working. Hey, how am I gonna know what she has for lunch and how Muay Thai Boxing is going unless we get paid to chat?

Also, she just happens to be on the verge of marrying my good friend, horseshoe counselor and fantasy football enemy Ashton Hart.

"Nope, I think they are all out of San-J products"

Being a skirt and all, Joy is very excited about her big day. I shot her a few questions over ICHAT and strapped myself in.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you: Joy Castro.

Robots, Skulls and Squids: As you work for San-J and I eat a lot, much of our day time chat involves food. Tell me what your death row meal would be.

Joy: Oh my gosh, what an awful scenario, but also a very lucky one- bc you're supposedly going to be able to eat any meal you've always wanted, ever ever.. For a long time, from grades 3-7, I thought I could live off of Stauffer's microwaveable mac n chee and a glass of whole milk. But as I grew older, I realized that ham n chee hotpockets could suffice (with the glass of whole milk).
Pizza has always been my staple comfort food, but that also shares it's place with sushi and ice cream-

I think, if I were about to get blasted off into sweet-bunny-land of sleepytime Boulevard...
I would probably go with a delicious medley of my favorite sushi/sashimi: salmon sashimi, hotate butter sushi, shrimp crunch roll, and the hot night roll. I'd probably make myself eat at least 2-3 sets of each of these rolls, for good measure.
And Ashton has a rash all over the place right now and he's standing right here in front of me with half his shorts down spanking his own butt so it'll stop itching and he'll stop scratching....
you don't have to put that in the interview.

RSS: I think I have to.

Joy: Ok, well it was the double-spank. Ummm I think yea, I'mma have to go with the sushi..
Yea, final answer!

RSS: So a farewell meal of sushi in your prison cell. You seem like a fairly straight laced lady, if the police knocked on your door and asked for you by name, what would be your first guess as to why they were on your trail?

Probably, depending on whether or not Ashton Hart was home or not- I'd suspect -- if he wasn't -- that he had gotten arrested! Or had a clumsy accident and needed me to pick him up. Or lastly, they traced that bag of money I found to my house and will most likely want it back. But by the time they'll have realized, I would have already bought a Mini Coop (White pepper color).
And the wildcard response- they're probably crooked cops, trying to dupe me into something and that's when I'll have to kick their butts Streetfighter IV style. If I lose, I'll probably grovel and cry a lot, but most likely.. best case scenario: I'll win.

RSS: But speaking of your groom to be. Your getting hitched in July. What's been your favorite part of planning a wedding? And your least favorite?

Joy: Favorite part of planning has to be the dress picking, fitting and accessory buying!
My least favorite part is definitely the guilt that comes with figuring out where all the money will come from and the fast and furious rise of those figures.. it's a shame shame shame that some vendors and just the wedding industry in general gouges people for money.

RSS: I always imagined that girls think of their wedding day like guys think this is their one chance to play a sport or make something that everyone will see. You want to come out looking your best. Is this at all accurate or is there more behind working so hard for a one time show?

Joy: Yeap, it's definitely a once in a lifetime event and, as a girl that has very high expectations and is easily disappointed, you can't help but hope for things to be perfect-- but throughout this process, I've found that it truly is a time for bonding between you and your future spouse, your parents and closest friends. For serious. I've had about 11 breakdowns since last May and have been rehab'd through each one by one, Mr. Hart. It's going to be a very special day, a very special moment- but I know that it means much more than just one perfect day. It sets the stage for the rest of my life, my happily ever after is about to begin.
(wipes away tear)
Oh you big softie!!

And exhale. While you go find the socks Joy just blew you out of, I'll prepare the conclusion of the interview for the week of her wedding.

Boy do I have a lot of pent up bloggery coming down the pipes. Stay dry.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Van Jones vs. Howard Beale

Van Jones, despite his avid support of turtlenecks, is a very likable fellow. He also happens to the be the "Green Jobs Czar" for the Obama administration. Is he likable enough to counter my contempt for neck covering garments? Not even close, but that is a different topic for a different post.

It may not seem like it at first, but both these videos are trying to achieve a common goal. That goal is to, how do I say? "Light a fire under your butt." Whether you seek to reconnect with those around you to improve communities en route to improving the world. Or if you want to instigate the rebellious nature that lies within each of us. The common message is that the dark seasons of our life are only made worse by our lack of action.

Van Jones has long been an advocate for the green economy (especially in urban environments) and this is to his credit. He seems like a genuine person, with smart ideas and knows how to communicate his thoughts. When he talks about rebuilding connections and communities and restoring our faith in one another (human technology), I want to jump up like an elderly black lady in church with my eccentric hat taking flight as I scream "Amen". This is exactly the sort of emotion the world needs. However, are "Green Jobs" the cure-all for the economy and environment? In my opinion, of course not. As long as you have a scarcity based economy, you are subject to greed, trends, bubbles and breakdowns. My opinion, in this case, doesn't matter. The green movement captures the good intentions of the human spirit and that can be the catalyst for a truly radical shift in humanity.

I could go off on my problems with our monetary system and the ever growing list of what is wrong in this world, but all that serves to do is to add black to the night. It's far more important to discuss solutions and find others willing to connect with you and work towards a better future. Obama was elected because people were fed up. We can debate whether or not their passion was misdirected, but there is no arguing that the world is still full people willing to do good work.

Good will and passion are excellent fuels for progress, but angst and frustration work just as well. Howard Beale's (Peter Finch's character in the harshly realistic, yet highly prophetic film The Network) possessed rant is also solution based, although appealing to a different sentiment. He implores his audience to not let the world get worse than it already is. Beale jars them out of their shell and exposes them for becoming complacent. Jones states that this current shock to our livelihoods was necessary for people to realize how out of touch we are with one another. Beale wants you to realize that we are still living human beings capable of acting out. Whether you sing "Kumbayah" or "Fight The Power" we all agree that things should be better than this.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

To Beard or Not To Beard...

I miss Kids in the Hall.

Lousy Smarch weather. For someone who fancies themselves as a funnyman, my lack of timing is epic. As soon as I shave my beard, mother nature remembers it's early March and screams "In like a lion fool!" while dumping sleet and snow on my defenseless face.

This was the coldest winter I've ever experienced and I kept a beard much longer than I normally would. Asheville is full of face suits though, which made me feel like I blended in with my hairy brethren. While I was in Richmond, Chuck told me that when you are having trouble growing hair on certain parts of your faces, get a man with a beard to rub it on the spot. That's the closest my face has been to another man's since my days as one of Madonna's background dancers.

I got it in my skull to get rid of the facial hair at the end of February and bring an end to the dual realities that come with me sporting a fine mouth curtain. There were the good times. Like when girls compliment your beard. Nothing puts a strut in your gate like cute coffee shop girls commenting on your style.

Me: Large coffee to go please
Coffee Broad: Sure, you on your way to Barley's?
Me: Yeah about to get the day going I guess.
Coffee Broad: I'm liking the beard.

Yep, that's Alicia Keys riding a puppy. You think you're better than me?

Me: Really? Thanks! It's so manly and thick that I lost my lips a few days ago, can I use yours to find em'?

Didn't say that last part, but you get the idea. Beards open doors that bare faces can't.

Then there are the bad times. Like when you are walking home at night and you get mistaken for a homeless man.

Homeless Man: Hey what's going on?
Me: Not much, howya doing?
Homeless Man: You know just trying to stay warm, you got a place to stay tonight?
Me: (Thinking that this man was about to ask to stay at my house) Uhhh...yep.
Homeless Man: Oh you got a tent or are you at the mission?

Me: I live in a house.
Homeless Man: Oh
Me: Yeah, very more rooms than I can use. Gets a bit hot in the winter though.

Okay that last part was made up, but damn that's a new low.

On my personal beard record, I give my latest attempt a 7. It did it's job, but maybe next I'll grow a different style of beard. Thinking about giving this one a try:

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Loved You So Long: A Movie Review...for Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

I don't even remember the last French movie I saw before this one. Actually, it was probably the Triplets of Belleville; one my favorite animated movies not involving over-the-top violence or giant robots. I don't have any thing against the French. Hell, that's where Cheick Kongo is from.

(Left: UFC fighter Cheick Kongo Right: Ex felon/fight promoter/black vampire/denim wearer Don King)

I have to admit I was apprehensive about going to see this movie. The title itself oozes estrogen and if my friend Sarah didn't want to go see it I could of happily spent that Friday night doing what I usually do, namely practicing my one man play. However, I "manned up", journeyed into the land of chick flicks and was rewarded with a very intriguing story that made up for the use of a dead language and subtitles...yeah I said it.

I Loved You So Long is a film about two sisters reuniting after the oldest (Juliette) spends 15 months in prison. Lea (the younger sister) has made a nice life as a college professor, a wife and a mother of two adopted Vietnamese children. As to be expected, Juliette struggles to adapt to her new life. Even though she can't escape her past, it doesn't keep her from making new friends (mostly men). Much of the film focuses on her attempt to enter the work force as a someone who just spent over a decade behind bars. This turns out to be a great device to show how she now deals with people and the effect she has on others when they learn of her past.

The film's pace is just perfect. The manner and order of how information of the past is delivered keeps you interested. Unless you watch it with someone who likes to ask questions during movies. In that case get your nose punching shoes on, cause you are gonna need em'. The movie's plot isn't anything groundbreaking, but the acting is solid, especially from the two main characters (Elsa Zylberstein and Kristin Scott Thomas). I wish I could comment on the dialogue, but all I can really say is that it read well.

Overall, well worth the 8 clams spent. Many reviews I've found are taking away points for the ending, but I fount it profoundly appropriate. Very nifty use of a helicopter chase scene. If you can still catch this one at the Fine Arts Theatre in Asheville you should take a couple of hours out of the day to check it out. If not, throw it on your Netflix queue or wait in the Blockbuster breadline.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Asheville, Yall Niggas Crazy pt 2.

So the free wall down by the railroad tracks (where I spend all my free time), got re-upped as the kids like to say. Here are a few pics from the wall and some more graffiti around Chicken Hill. If I ever run into gang members, I wonder how hard they will laugh when I'm forced to tell them I'm representing Chicken Hill and then do my gangster chicken dance.

I love FOWL's characters. My love for chickens is only rivaled by my love for squids.

I hate it when someone puts their shitty tag over a great stencil. No honor among vandals I tell yah.

Thank you.

I was looking for Anthony Kiedis, but no luck. I did manage to forget about my love though.

Isn't there something in Revelations about a baby surrounded by ghost skulls?

Two possibilities: Either the worst portrait of 2 Pac or the best of Jimmy Walker.

The handlebars and wheels are dope. I wonder how he/she prevents over spray on the spokes.

Dr. Gonzo himself. I've got a few more Apathy stencils and they are all nuts.

Well that about does it for round 2. I've got a bunch more, but with moving my sports/mma takes over to a new site, I'm going to be needing some blog fodder down the road.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

UFC 94: Two Sentence Predictions.

St. Pierre shows Matt Hughes the benefits of tight, tiny, "junk enhancing" shorts.

The trouble of having the fight of the year in January, is that there are still 11 months to get beat out. BJ Penn and George St Pierre face off tonight in what I feel should be the best fight in recent memory. Before we get there though, there are 4 other fights on the televised card, so without further come dem picks.

Clay Guida vs. Nate Diaz (LW):
How long before Guida goes for a take down and ends up in a guillotine? I say Round 2. Diaz submits Guida

Karo Parisyan vs. Don Hyung Kim (WW):
If Karo comes mentally ready to fight, he should be able to use his "gorilla strength" to peel the Korean banana. This one is going to the cards with Karo "The Heat" Parisyan the victor.

Stephen Bonnar vs. Jon Jones (LHW):
It's hard for me to pick Stephen "Gatekeeper" Bonnar, being he hasn't beaten anyone outside of a decision victory over Kieth Jardine. If Jones can be the first black guy in the UFC to actually show some ground defense I like his chances. Jones via KO in the 2nd.

Lyoto Machida vs. Thiago Silva (LHW):
A bout between two Brazilian undefeated fighters. Machida is on another level and he'll show why he deserves the title shot tonight. Machida via decision

BJ Penn vs George St Pierre (WW):
I love BJ Penn, but he will need a perfect performance to win this. St. Pierre puts his name in with Anderson Silva and Fedor Emelianeko as the best pound for pound fighter on the earth with a victory tonight. St. Pierre wins via TKO Round 3.

A special thanks to Julio, for if not for him I would have to be at work during these occurrences of fisticuffs.

Sean "The Muscle Shark" Sherk loses a row of teeth after being floored by Penn.


The Aftermath: (Spoiler Alert)

UFC 94 in a word was "anticlimactic". All but two fights went the distance towards a decision, but they were entertaining battles. The event did set a very good foundation for the rest of the year though. Guida levels up, BJ Penn gets to go back to lightweight and get that division moving again. Jon Jones and Lyoto Machida proved why 205 is the best weight division in all of MMA and GSP just might be the best fighter anyone has ever seen. Though only one of my predictions came true, I still got 4 out of the five winners correct. The following is a breakdown of the now its time to get down.

Guida defeats Diaz via decision: Except for a couple of kimura attempts, Guida controlled the fight. Just goes to show that wrestling has it's place in MMA and like it or lump it fighters should learn take down defense and escapes.

Parisyan defeats Kim via decision: Just like I called it, but this one could have gone either way. Much more interested in Kim's future than Parisyan's right now, even though Karo is coming off a very significant injury.

Jones defeats Bonnar via decision: (you noticing a trend?): I'm not sure if Jones was ever really in trouble. The spinning elbow was a nice strike, but totally illegal as it landed behind Bonnar's head. Only 21 years old is Jones and he looks like another Anderson Silva in the making (sans the bjj skills).

Machida defeats Silva via KO: (finally a finish): It finally happened, Lyoto got around to knocking someone out. Silva may have landed a few punches, but was otherwise rendered ineffective due to Machida's speed and technique. Can't believe I've got to wait for Rampage Jackson to fight Jardine before we see Lyoto challenge for the title. Machida vs. Evans would be a spring/summer blockbuster fight, but you know...politics and all.

St. Pierre "works" Penn to a referee stoppage: The guy doesn't stop evolving and he may hold the belt until 2011 or so. Also, why boo Thialgo Alves? That fight is gonna be butter.

Great card on paper, but the night overall held very few surprises or notable moments. Affliction thus far has the best card of the year.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

R.I.P OG Helio Grace

You probably have heard of Royce Gracie, but his impact on MMA couldn't hold a candle to his father's contributions to the world of martial arts.  Helio Gracie died this morning at the age of 95.  14 years after his brother and co founder of Gracie Jiu Jitsu, Carlos, passed.  To put it briefly they developed a style of combat where differences in strength and athleticism were overcome by the perfection of a technique.  Gracie Jiu Jitsu uses leverage to end conflicts instead of solely relying on strikes.  I've never taken a single jiu jitsu class, but the proof is in the product.  Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is in the tool box of any top mixed martial artists.  They have Master Helio Gracie to thank.

If every senior citzen could kick my ass the way Helio could've, I wouldn't cut in line so much at Golden Corral.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Wrestler: A Movie Long Overdue

Before you go see this movie, do yourself a favor and view this list of wrestlers that have died since 1985 (The year of the first WrestleMania) before the age of 65 (average retirement age). The list doesn't just include wrestlers, but also people who played vital roles in producing this sort of entertainment (referees and managers). The list is riddled with world famous stars, young men who died in tragic accidents, classic cases of depression leading to drug abuse and men who just didn't know when to quit, or at least refused to give up the spotlight. The Wrestler follows the latter.

Considering how popular pro wrestling used to be and the success of Mick Foley's book about his career in the sport, I would have thought that a movie like The Wrestler would of been made about ten years ago. Focused on the twilight of his career, the film follows the trials and tribulations of a once famous pro wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson (Mickey Rourke) as he flips between retirement and further risking his health in an high impact sport. As a former avid pro wrestling fan the movie definitely found a home, but like the main character it has it's share of flaws.

Randy's path downward is like that of a washed up rock star, which in turn makes the movie predictable in some respects. You know he is going to stay on the path of self destruction, but you find yourself hoping otherwise to no avail. There's a formula at work, but it doesn't ruin the movie. The acting and pace keep your mind off the fact that there isn't much to the story you haven't heard or seen before.

Marissa Tomei's plays a stripper...I'll let that sink in, because it took me an hour after the movie to realize that I saw Marrisa Tomei shake what her mother gave her...let's just say her mother has good taste. As an aging stripper struggling to make money, her character parallels that of Randy's successfully, creating another arena he needs to find balance within.

Overall The Wrestler is a gripping film that forces the audience to share the roller coaster that is Randy's life. Though the film is mildly formulaic, it is also one of the few movies I would pay full price to see again. Also gives you something to think about next time you are channel surfing and come across today's wrestlers following the same path.

Also got to see GlenGary GlenRoss this weekend. Just got to say this may be one of the best scenes ever in any movie ever...ever! Definitely one to check out if you haven't yet.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You Know Who is Awesome...

...EXILE...Thats who is awesome

Check out his new album "Radio". It's very easy on the ears. He also looks like my old friend Ben Shelton I used to go to high school with. He was really good on a bmx and built his own truck. Last time I saw him it was at Buffalo Wild Wings a few years back and he was still really nice. But yeah,...Exile...check him out.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Real Niggas Don't Wear Snuggies

I went back to Richmond for the holidays and during my visit I stopped by the Nelson household to wish them a festive yuletide. Upon walking into their home I thought I may have stumbled upon some weird ritual or wizard convention. Shaun's wife Angela was wearing one of these:

That my friends is a Snuggie. The blanket you can wear around the house and that better be the only place you wear it unless you want to be permanently hugging yourself in your all white state issued Snuggie.. I laughed a lot at her fleece night gown and even dawned it myself for a second. OH the comfort!

I had yet to see the commercial for the Snuggie at that time, but when I did I remembered why I've never bought anything from an infomercial. It's always the same people overly enthralled with the product in question. Dozens of people smiling like lobotomized Wal-Mart greeters pretending to do "everyday things" made easier by way of the Slap Chop.

A good reason for this personal ban is that I'm not a rich man. I won't lie, when I saw the ads for the Shamwow and Magic Putty I gave serious thought towards breaking my oath to not buy into products that can't make their way to an actual bricks and mortar store. If Target choses to stock a cookie shaped cookie jar instead of your product then you really need to step your game up.

My favorite infomercial product of all time would be a commemorative plate of anything. From Obama to Operation Desert Storm to the television series Good Times, people must have the need to show their support through their fine china. Personally I'm waiting for the Oakridge Boys commemorative plate series.

Hey check it out...I made a comic strip. Click to enlarge:

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Pigeon Forge: The Ressurection

Forgive me for staying on this topic too long, but here is one photo that I wanted to post.

This is what happens when Asians and blacks team up to eat pancakes.  Bears get effed up on the real.  Look at Dave scurry up that tree!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Pigeon Forge: The Dead Blog

Updating on my 18 hour vacation to Dollywood, I regret to inform you that I was only able to take one picture during my visit.

On my way back, we stopped at Flapjack's Pancake Cabin. I didn't eat a scale model cabin made out of pancakes, but I did eat a lot of blueberries and drink a lot of coffee. Unable to purchase batteries for my digital camera (Tennessee law prohibits the sale of batteries to black people on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays) I started to feel bad that I didn't have any souvenirs of my time in Pigeon Forge excluding the harmonica I bought at the gas station. So while we ate I snapped this picture of Captain Lou Albano's lesser known brother, Ensign Phil Albano, from under the table.

Thus caps my trip to Pigeon Forge/Dollywood/Gatlinburg, Tennessee. If I learned anything from this trip, it is that I need to keep doing new things. Even if that means driving two hours to a tourist trap so shameless that it would make Graceland blush.

Here's to you Cpt. Lou...wherever you are.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee: Live Blog

Where the hell am I?

What the hell is this place?

Who moved Myrtle Beach to the mountains?

Where can I find a "Can't Touch This: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina" t-shirt besides my father's dresser?

I'm in Pigeon Forge....not to be confused with Pigeon Ford.

So Dave came into town on his way to chill with his cousins at this log cabin in Sevierville, TN and I decided I would take my 18 hours off from work to do something new. My biggest regret is that I didn't buy any batteries for my camera before I left. Not only is this the home of Dollywood...

...but it's also the home of outlet shopping and all-you-can-eat buffets (that's not a fat joke). It's like I woke up in BF Mangino's heaven...

...(okay that was a fat joke). You can also play a round of mini-golf on a go-kart track while eating your body weight in pancakes here in Pigeon Forge. I have my heart set on a trip to Flap Jack's Pancake Cabin in the morning. If it's anything like I'm expecting I should be devouring a scale model cabin constructed entirely out of pancakes in mere hours.

On the way here I got stink-eyed from some guy at the gas station and then I ate a very mediocre sandwich at the Atlanta Bread Company, which I assume is Ted Turner's attempt at a Panera.

I think I'll stick with Panera where they don't build your hopes up for some good ol' potato soup only to tell you "We're all out of bread bowls". If you introduce the option of turning my dishes into food...don't take it away from me in the blink of an heart can't take the torture.

Any way...back to Pigeon Forge.

Where the hell am I?

I will try my damndest to get some pictures on the way out tomorrow.