Tuesday, October 30, 2007

5 Reasons why Texas Chainsaw Massacre is still the best horror movie ever.

So it's Halloween time yet again and AMC has come to the rescue, offering a buffet of horror movies. As a former horror film buff I love seeing all the classics, which got my think bone a goin'. I've always considered the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre to be my favorite horror movie, but I had never realized why. The following is long overdue praise for a diamond amongst a sea of hacks, remakes and flat out lazy efforts in the genre. Here are five reasons why I love this movie so much.

1. Believable Plot: Before every horror movie became a chain of "Wouldn't it suck to die like this" events, people had to actually think of a realistic situation. TCM puts five teenagers on a road trip to the abandoned house of one of their grandparents. Remember back in the 70's teenagers only source of entertainment were road trips, gas lines and hard drugs...thank god for video games. Have you ever gotten lost in the country? It can be pretty damn scary, especially if you run out of gas. This would have been an excellent commercial for Exxon had they cut it to thirty seconds.

2. Simple Yet Gory and Terrifying Deaths: Two bludgeonings via hammer, a chainsaw massage, a meat hook and no puzzles. Nothing too fancy just gruesome death plain and simple. Let's face it, if someone is considering killing you I doubt they are going to let you play a game of Tetris to determine the outcome.

3. Concern for the Victims: Other than High Tension I can't remember the last time a movie made me care if someone died or not. The audience is left with one survivor that you will cheer for as she tries to escape. This movie probably started the trend of yelling at the screen. Oh she can't hear you, but she feels your energy...it's something like home field advantage.

4. Cinematography: When you hear directors like Rob Zombie and Wes Craven refer to Texas Chainsaw Massacre; they always talk about the way the movie was shot. The cold grainy hue that covers the entire movie provides an uncomfortable, almost depressing atmosphere. Sometimes the way a movie is shot can make the film (see Space Jam).

5. Leatherface: Loosely based on serial killer Ed Gein, Leatherface is in a virtual tie with Jason Vorhees for best movie killer ever. A mountain of a man, who never says a word and is obviously suffering from mental illness. The duality of his nature is what makes him so freaking cool. One moment he is carving up an invalid like a chubby turkey, the next he is forced into submission by his smaller and weaker older brother. Jigsaw is just a cancer patient with too much time on his hands. By the way, I would like to thank the American public for supporting the Saw series. If you it weren't for you some unoriginal, talentless, money grubbers would be out of work.

So there you have it. Some justification for why the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is still the best horror movie ever made and proof that I need to find employment very soon.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Open Wide for an advertising take!

This is what I want to do:

If you somehow got to the page without knowing me, then let me explain. I'm currently seeking a career in advertising and I know what I want to do, but its not very easy to put it in words. It's all very simple in my head, but sometimes when I try to express my intentions I sound like a belligerent drunk...and I assure you I'm just belligerent. Long story short; I want to contribute to the greater good. Whether it means making the world notice a crises, helping a non-profit gain awareness or just make someone think differently for a split second. I don't actually want to make good ads, I want to help develop the idea that drives a good ad. Its a shame this is a commercial from ze Germans and will probably never be seen by the masses in the states. The positive is that there are people out there like me, doing what I want to do...so I have a reason to keep pressing on.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


Back at it.

"Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement" - C.S. Lewis

You may want to refer back to my previous post entitled "Things I want to steal from people's yards pt. 3". There I state "Also in regards to Dinosaur Kingdom let me assure you that this isn't over...I'll get there come hell or high water." Oh hell came, bringing with it a rising tide of boiling hot dog water...it seemed bleak, but Dave and I finally got a piece of the pie. I'm not a superstitious man, but something went horribly wrong this summer. Evidence: I'm still in Richmond. On my way to Dino Kingdom the first time I though I was on my way out. It was to be one last adventure to cap off my first 25 years in Virginia. The octopus-like tentacles of Richmond had other plans for me though, as I ended up embarking on a arduous and frustrating journey in the country for the rest of the summer. Super natural forces were obviously at play. I realized that maybe it was our failure to find Dino Kingdom that bought us a triceratop sized curse. The following is an account of are attempt to break the curse. In order to reverse fate and save our future Dave and I had to....ESCAPE FROM DINOSAUR KINGDOM!!! (Sound the war drums, battle trumpets and skirmish spoons).

Foamhenge: A full size replica of Stonehenge constructed of foam. If you are ever driving on Interstate 81 and you get to exit 180A S. Lee HWY you need to get off and go visit this. This is another Mark Cline creation along with Dino Kingdom. Notice that the stuctures are exactly three Cambodians tall, but what does this all mean?

Feedin' Time: Though known for its razor sharp claws, dagger teeth and hilariously useless arms; the T-Rex could also run a mean trap line.

Apebraham Lincoln: You may have everything below the Mason-Dixon line, but I have your pants.

I'll post more pics as soon as Blogger gets their stuff together and stops sending me error message.