Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Fantasy Island: Week 5

Around the way they call me "Giant Killer".

In the last two weeks I played the two remaining undefeated teams in Greensville (The Cunt Returner and Bill's Corn Pads). Let's just say no one will be running the table this year. Though Bill put up a good fight with 9 touchdowns overall, my corns went unrelieved as defense proved to be my saving grace. Speaking of which... someone phone Mike Vrabel (my second pick on defense) and tell him to at least tackle an already downed opponent and maybe I can get credit for a 1/2 tackle. Don't want to drop him because he has been known to score TDs, but I don't think I can hold on much longer.

I also won in Sam's league, bringing my winning streak to 4 games and an overall record of 7-3 with the points lead in each league. I'd say I'm off to a good start and despite my lack of a QB in Sam's league I like my squads.

Instead of running down my week, I'll do something a bit different. Since we are five games in I think this is as good a time as any to review Greensville. I would do the same for Sam's league, but with 90 teams I'd have to actually buy more bandwidth.

In Current ranking order.

1. 4th & Schlong: 4-1
Still the best name in the league. You would think a team which drafted Tom Brady would be struggling, but stranger things have happend in Greensville. If Ashton can avoid the injury bug to his retirement home he calls a QB duo (Kurt Warner and Brett Farve...Warren Moon wasn't available I guess) he definitely has the scariest team in the "Ville".

2. Bill's Corn Pads: 4-1
McKenna has come a long way. From the days of drafting Kyle Boller first round, then followed by a kicker in the third he has one of the most dangerous teams in the league. If he can pick up some more talent on defense and Steve Smith comes back to life he'll be around for the playoffs.

3. The Cunt Returner: 4-1
The Rookie of the default. As a fellow victim of the now dreaded Derek Anderson pick I really don't understand how his team is doing this well (he also has the under performing Kellen Winslow). Outside of Phillip Rivers and Terrell Owens I don't see the power, but obviously he is doing something right. If the Browns turn it around though...look out.

4. Wounded Duck Wobblers: 3-2
I need to make trades...but smart trades. If I can move Earnest Graham for a solid Tight End or WR then I should be able to stay in the hunt. Though when Marques "Coldstone" Colston comes back it's gonna be lights out.

5. Buck Naked Ballers: 3-2
Last year Torrey was my nightmare, owning both Brady and Randy Moss. This year he practiced affirmative action and went with an all black QB duo (Garrard and Campbell). Has all the tools to beat anyone in Greensville (WRs: Fitzgerald, Boldin and Braylon Edwards), but those quarterbacks aren't scaring anyone.

6. Asian Ballz: 2-3
When you look at Dave's team you immediately get the feeling that this guy missed the draft. He sure did, but he is doing rather well with what Yahoo's fate machine dealt him. If he can con me into trading him Graham or Dirty into trading an RB for a QB, I like his chances to be a player down the stretch.

7. Omega Nizzle Supreme: 2-3
"I'm gonna win this league" stated Dirty in the smack talk section a couple of weeks ago. Well not with those QBs you aren't. Sure its a down year for Hasselbeck who should be better when Seattle gets healthy, but you can't play the captain going down with the ship on the S.S. Marc Bulger. Time to get your black ass in the dingy. Though his incredible depth at RB could make for a good trade down the line, just wouldn't wait too long to pull the trigger on any lingering offers.

8. Favre's Freak Show: 2-3
Could and should be a top 5 team. When Peyton remembers his last name is Manning and the Steelers find some stability in their offense I expect to see Web's team climb the ranks. Though he's gotta consider shuffling the defense up...there are about 10 guys on waivers that are better than his starters.

9. Balls: 1-4
It's never good when you have to use FaceBook to tell someone to get their roster straight. Outside of his RB duo, the entire team just screams mediocrity. Could make the playoffs though if Shaub and Aaron Rodgers get healthy and turn their teams around.

10. Rickey's Gunney Sack: 0-5
Shaun has been a victim of a crazy year in the NFL. All the names are there...even snagged LT as his first pick. Who knew the Bengals would be as bad as they are (owns both Carson Palmer and Ocho Cinco). Who knew that Willis McGahee would be splitting carries and giving up TDS all year. Who knew that Antonio Gates would go from sugar to shit over the off season. Just goes to show...all you can do is draft properly and let the players play. Good draft, but it seems that the fantasy gods have turned their back on the 1/2 of team WhiteShed.

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