Friday the 13th

Quick story time. Friday the 13th came and went and even though I wasn’t killed with a pair of hedge clippers or a post-hole digger I did experience some bad luck. After spending Thursday night (one of my few days off) drinking a Heineken and playing Mario Kart Wii, I was determined to go out and socialize Friday night. Everything started okay, but as the night was coming to an end I got a call from my sister and had to journey down to Shockoe Bottom. While waiting to meet her I parallel parked and watched the bars empty out. As the numerous bad cars, with bad music cruised by giving me bad looks I heard a girl shout in the distance “Well, I don’t care I gotta pee!” I ignored this declaration, but then noticed in the corner of my eye a scantily clad harlot approaching. She was determined, she was energetic, she was drunk. Before I could protest she…how do I say this with class…she popped a squat right in front of my car. I just bought this car about a month ago and I’ll be damnned if some boozed up tart was going to be the first to pee on my ride. As I went to yell something to the effect of “Hey stop leaking hour old Bud Light on my car!” Her boyfriend saw me in the car and yelled at her “Yo, B-boy in the car!” Startled, but not phased she continued while her boyfriend acted as a shield from public view. Which wasn’t working nearly as well as he had hoped, being traffic was still flowing next to us and everybody was rubbernecking like there was a police car on fire. Here comes the kicker(s). After she used her sniper like accuracy to pinpoint her urine between my car and the other parked in front, her boyfriend and I exchanged a prison visit like fist bump through the windshield. The horror was not over though. She pulled up her knickers and then ran over to the driver side of my car. Before I could lurch forward and pin her between the two cars, she quickly lunged inside my car and gave me a hug. I think I would have preferred a post-hole digger in the spine.


So yeah…that was my Friday night.