Things I want to steal from people's lawns pt.2

I've been holding off on this post for awhile now. Just to recap this running theme; I deliver pizzas to pay for my rent, bills and my ever growing Pog collection. "Remember Alf Bart? He's back...in Pog form"-Milhouse. Many of the houses I deliver to have interesting or at least funny knick-knacks in the yard. Now petty theft has it's time and place. The time is not when I'm looking to start a career, the place is not Hanover, V.A. aka Copland. So instead of using my five-finger discount, I decided to start taking pictures of some of the items I would like to make mine without purchase or barter.




I don't know what the hell this is, but it's awesome. It reminds me of that box from the Hellraiser movies. (Check it) The sculpture is about 3ft. high and sits in the middle of the lawn. If anyone knows what this is let me now. Until then I'll continue to believe that this is the most sophisticated yard orb ever.




I've seen funnier more elaborate mail box decoration, but if you are going to be tacky you might as well be cute. When did I get so bitchy? Whenever I own a house of my own and become a mailbox worthy member of society, I want to install a transportation tube system like they use at a bank drive-through to collect my mail. I imagine the neighborhood children will think it humorous to fill my tube with cans, small animals and Molotov cocktails. Kids will be kids I reckon.




Alas, we have frogs. The most common things I see in yards are ceramic/metal angels, turtles, dogs, cats and rabbits. I enjoy a good frog every once in awhile. I also enjoy feeding the frogs that hang out outside the door at Domino's. I've delivered a few late pizzas recently because I was trying to catch a moth or some other small insect to feed Gudger (the new Domino's frog). Damn I'm a dork. Oh well, I'll let Tracey and Rafael take us home.
Bunny ears on a turtle...how ironic.

"Some kinda love....Some kinda hate"

This is the first video I've submitted to You Tube. Make sure you see the movie "Do the Right Thing". Probably my favorite Spike Lee joint. I've got a killer right cross.

Who likes free music?

My friend Matt was the first person I heard insert snippets from The Simpsons on a mix. I thought it was a great way to add humor to a mixtape, therefore I bit his style and bit it hard. However, recently I've been using snippets from Aqua Teen Hunger Force and short segments of Chris Rock and David Cross stand-up routines. I've always wanted to make a mix that had a cool theme to it though. Before I made this compilation I knew I wanted to use a bunch of quotes from one movie and try to portray a story in about 5 or 6 tracks. I chose the Steve Martin movie "The Jerk" not only because it's a hilarious film, but I think Navin 's story is on some level familiar and the scenes I selected to pull for the mix correspond to recent events in my life, or things that have been on my mind. I would really like to give this mix to a lot of people and see what feedback I get on it. Therefore, if you want a copy drop me comment or tell me in person and I'll cook one up for you. Here is the track list with some comments.


The Songs:

"The Guidelines"-Aceyalone: This is not only Acey's theme music, but also probably one of the dopest tracks he ever touched and that's saying a lot.

"Pedestal"- Portishead: Beth's voice and the trip-hop instrumental makes this one of my favorite songs from this very missed group.

"Hand of Doom" - Black Sabbath: I was trying to figure out how to get metal on this mix. The solution was easy. Take my favorite song from my favorite metal band and there you have it. "You're having a good time baby, but that won't last....Your mind is full of things...you're living too fast. Go out and enjoy yourself...Don't bottle it in. You need someone to help you...push the needle in."

"Smoke and Mirrors"- RJD2: I think a lot of people forgot about this song on Deadringer. That's too bad.

"Bradley Smith"- At The Drive-in: One of the most underrated punk bands of all time. Too bad Sparta and Mars Volta don't bake my beans the way ATDI did.

"Super Bad"- James Brown: "The way I like it...is the way it is. I got mine...don't worry about his." Thanks for all the good work James.

"Blue Skies"- Ella Fitzgerald: Please Ella, don't hurt em.

"Blue Flowers (Prince Paul Remix)" - Dr. Octagon: Before there was Madvillian there was Kool Keith aka Dr. Octagon aka Black Elvis. If you are not going to make sense in your lyrics you might as well have a good beat.

"Spanish Bombs" - The Clash: I can't believe I never put this song on any other mixes. You should be well aware of the The Clash. If not, listen and regret your years of ignorance.

"Today"- Tom Scott: Pete Rock made it a hot sample, Tom Scott made it a hot song.

"Can't Wait" - Redman: Outside of Public Enemy, Redman was one of the first hip-hop artist I followed. Yes 95% of his subject matter is about marijuana, but at least he'll pass on the glass.

"Djobi Djoba" - The Gypsy Kings: First heard this song on an old ZERO skate video. Also heard it 1000 times when I was studying in Spain.

"Hoofprints in the Sand" - Sage Francis: Bar none the best emcee out there today. Three lps, each one better than the last. "Seriously I know that you pray when the chips are down. But act different when there's atheist around." Too close for comfort there Sage.

"God's Bathroom Floor"- Atmosphere: Old Slug = Good Slug.

"If you want me to stay" - Sly and the Family Stone: After last night, this song makes so much more sense. Leave it to life to teach you the lesson and music to tutor.

"Bad Dreams" - Lyrics Born: The blues can be very therapeutic. Lyrics Born is one of the most versatile emcees/musicians I have ever come across. Please check out the albums Laytrx and Later That Day.

"Wicked and Weird" - Buck 65: Baseball player turned Dj, turned emcee, turned producer, turned country artist. He may not be that exciting but he does all the aforementioned jobs extremely well.

"Pass the Plugs" - De La Soul: Couldn't think of a better way to end the mix. Take em back to a time when hip-hop was being done better than it is now. "Excuse me yall, while I fill my potholes."

Being desensitized was cooler when I was 12.

The movies that made me love horror as a kid...

The video game that damn near ruined it all. Seriously what the hell were they thinking?

Back when the only two sections of the video rental store I would go to were the video game and horror sections, I built up what I believed to be a noteworthy degree of tolerance for violence and death. However, nowadays I believe my past regiment of slasher films and super violent video games is serving to my detriment. Not in a Tipper Gore/ Dr. Phil video games are ruining our kids way, but in a "I'm too old to not care way". I became concerned when I started to glance over the daily death tolls in Iraq and I noticed that I would forget the number by the end of the day. Maybe because it's easier not to think about an atrocity across the globe, or maybe it's because I've been reading death tolls for the last year or so.

I was in the VCU Commons when I read about the mayhem that went down 3 hours away on the Virginia Tech campus. I was shocked to see the numbers (casualties and rounds fired), but I was even more shocked by the lack of impact. Perhaps scared is a better word than shock in this case. I've recently realized how desensitized I've become, which has been a real kick in the jaw. I don't want to wear my emotions on my sleeves by any means, but I'm coming dangerously close to shutting down a part of my brain that I might want to keep around. What is even more concerning is that I don't believe this ship can be turned around. The ability of not easily being shaken by violence or tragedy that I prided myself on earlier in life has nested and grown. Being numb is a double-edged sword. The good news is you can't feel anything. The bad news is....you can't feel anything.