Things I want to steal from people's lawns pt.3 (Roadtrip edition)

It shouldn't hurt to blog.





How could it all go wrong? On a recent road trip my friend Dave and I went in search of Dinosaur Kingdom. If you are unaware of Dinosaur Kingdom, you should follow this link and then be very upset that you have lived as long as you have without knowing that a place like this exists. http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/VANATdinokingdom.html

You'll notice near the bottom the website states that the roadside directional signs can be improved. And how! Though we were within 3 miles of Dinosaur Kingdom, we only found the headquarters for the creator of the attraction: Enchanted Castle Studios. This is where the creator of Dinosaur Kingdom keeps a lot of his old work. I'm going to break format with this running post this one time. Usually I take pictures of things I take...errr. want to take from yards I deliver pizzas to. However, when you stumble upon a graveyard full of fiberglass corpses and foam memories...you grab your camera and get to work. Though we did not reach our destination we had a good time hanging out illegally at the Enchanted Castle Studios (You forfeit your "NO TRESPASSING" sign when you leave your gate open). Also in regards to Dinosaur Kingdom let me assure you that this isn't over...I'll get there come hell or high water.

The entire time we were in this wasteland it felt like we were in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the orginal not dumb version). There were 3 run-down barns full of stuff and an office trailer. We could have sworn that cow's mooing in the distance was getting closer and closer.


And then you turn the corner and run into this. I think I saw this guy once in a Slayer video in the late 80's...now I just see him when I close my eyes.
Okay...you know those parts in horror movies where the next victim comes upon the body of someone he or she knew/just had sex with and you know within the next 15 seconds they were going to die as well? It doesn't get much more eerie than this, it's like they knew I was coming.



Some of this stuff was still in pretty good shape. The dinosaur I mean, not the crate. Although most of it is too big to take with you.

Of all the things in the world I could take from someone...this creature is high on the list. This will be in my front yard at some point in my life.

And at some points in our visit we were just asking for trouble.



Moral of the Story: When life denies you dinosaurs; trespass on someone else's property and then go to the zoo.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot.

So what to write about? Graduation? Nah. Vacation? Maybe later. Something more important. Something epic. Something I had to wait 3 months for on Netflix. Something...

Heavy Metal Parking Lot is about a sixteen minute documentary filmed entirely in the parking lot of a Judas Priest show in Largo, Maryland in 1986. Have you ever gone people watching/mocking with a group of friends? Well if you haven't you should...it's an inexpensive way of boosting your self-esteem. I recommend going to the mall during Christmas and observe others shopping. You can learn a lot about people when they don't know you are watching (send all restraining orders to my P.O Box). If you don't have the time or believe that you are above such activities then this documentary is a good substitute.

Others will often label you according to the music you like. "Oh you like Phish? You are high right now aren't you?" or "So you are into Indie Rock? Would you care to join me in a pretentious conversation about the new Arcade Fire CD? I had the opportunity to break one of these stereotypes recently. While playing Guitar Hero 2, rather well I might add, A Shadow Falls song came on and I made a comment about how many metal songs made the game. A guy in the room then asked "You like metal? But you seem like such a nice guy." Ha, another mind blown by my hands. Until then he thought only jerks and the weird kids in high school liked metal. Not so.

I am a fan of metal. Not a Judas Priest fan, but a Metalhead nonetheless. It keeps me balanced I think. Though metal can be very angry and violent, it's a release. I don't get pissed off when I listen to Black Dahlia Murder or Black Sabbath, (can't say the same for Dave Matthew's Band or Young Jeezy) but when the song is over I feel like I just rid myself of a ton of burden. Listening to metal has been some of the best therapy I've ever received.

On the flipside of that argument: Stereotyping may be morally wrong, but sometimes it's accurate, saving you time and effort. I believe the images the creators of Heavy Metal Parking Lot bring to us are exactly what most people see when they think of hardcore heavy metal fans.
I could not be happier. There have to be a few people who fall in line to make a stereotype work and these folks were more than up for the task. The hair, the clothes, the language the attitude, all bring you back to the decade when metal was dominant. It may be the drugs or it may be the alcohol (maybe both?) but whatever it is, these people are ecstatic about their music and couldn't give a shit what you think about them. On second thought, you can learn a lot about people when they KNOW you are watching. A very educational documentary, worthy of The History Channel or college-level sociology classes.

Things I want to steal from people's lawns pt.2

I've been holding off on this post for awhile now. Just to recap this running theme; I deliver pizzas to pay for my rent, bills and my ever growing Pog collection. "Remember Alf Bart? He's back...in Pog form"-Milhouse. Many of the houses I deliver to have interesting or at least funny knick-knacks in the yard. Now petty theft has it's time and place. The time is not when I'm looking to start a career, the place is not Hanover, V.A. aka Copland. So instead of using my five-finger discount, I decided to start taking pictures of some of the items I would like to make mine without purchase or barter.




I don't know what the hell this is, but it's awesome. It reminds me of that box from the Hellraiser movies. (Check it) The sculpture is about 3ft. high and sits in the middle of the lawn. If anyone knows what this is let me now. Until then I'll continue to believe that this is the most sophisticated yard orb ever.




I've seen funnier more elaborate mail box decoration, but if you are going to be tacky you might as well be cute. When did I get so bitchy? Whenever I own a house of my own and become a mailbox worthy member of society, I want to install a transportation tube system like they use at a bank drive-through to collect my mail. I imagine the neighborhood children will think it humorous to fill my tube with cans, small animals and Molotov cocktails. Kids will be kids I reckon.




Alas, we have frogs. The most common things I see in yards are ceramic/metal angels, turtles, dogs, cats and rabbits. I enjoy a good frog every once in awhile. I also enjoy feeding the frogs that hang out outside the door at Domino's. I've delivered a few late pizzas recently because I was trying to catch a moth or some other small insect to feed Gudger (the new Domino's frog). Damn I'm a dork. Oh well, I'll let Tracey and Rafael take us home.
Bunny ears on a turtle...how ironic.

"Some kinda love....Some kinda hate"

This is the first video I've submitted to You Tube. Make sure you see the movie "Do the Right Thing". Probably my favorite Spike Lee joint. I've got a killer right cross.