Real Niggas Don't Wear Snuggies

I went back to Richmond for the holidays and during my visit I stopped by the Nelson household to wish them a festive yuletide. Upon walking into their home I thought I may have stumbled upon some weird ritual or wizard convention. Shaun's wife Angela was wearing one of these:



That my friends is a Snuggie. The blanket you can wear around the house and that better be the only place you wear it unless you want to be permanently hugging yourself in your all white state issued Snuggie.. I laughed a lot at her fleece night gown and even dawned it myself for a second. OH the comfort!

I had yet to see the commercial for the Snuggie at that time, but when I did I remembered why I've never bought anything from an infomercial. It's always the same people overly enthralled with the product in question. Dozens of people smiling like lobotomized Wal-Mart greeters pretending to do "everyday things" made easier by way of the Slap Chop.


A good reason for this personal ban is that I'm not a rich man. I won't lie, when I saw the ads for the Shamwow and Magic Putty I gave serious thought towards breaking my oath to not buy into products that can't make their way to an actual bricks and mortar store. If Target choses to stock a cookie shaped cookie jar instead of your product then you really need to step your game up.

My favorite infomercial product of all time would be a commemorative plate of anything. From Obama to Operation Desert Storm to the television series Good Times, people must have the need to show their support through their fine china. Personally I'm waiting for the Oakridge Boys commemorative plate series.


Hey check it out...I made a comic strip. Click to enlarge:

Pigeon Forge: The Ressurection

Forgive me for staying on this topic too long, but here is one photo that I wanted to post.

This is what happens when Asians and blacks team up to eat pancakes.  Bears get effed up on the real.  Look at Dave scurry up that tree!

Pigeon Forge: The Dead Blog

Updating on my 18 hour vacation to Dollywood, I regret to inform you that I was only able to take one picture during my visit.

On my way back, we stopped at Flapjack's Pancake Cabin. I didn't eat a scale model cabin made out of pancakes, but I did eat a lot of blueberries and drink a lot of coffee. Unable to purchase batteries for my digital camera (Tennessee law prohibits the sale of batteries to black people on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays) I started to feel bad that I didn't have any souvenirs of my time in Pigeon Forge excluding the harmonica I bought at the gas station. So while we ate I snapped this picture of Captain Lou Albano's lesser known brother, Ensign Phil Albano, from under the table.


Thus caps my trip to Pigeon Forge/Dollywood/Gatlinburg, Tennessee. If I learned anything from this trip, it is that I need to keep doing new things. Even if that means driving two hours to a tourist trap so shameless that it would make Graceland blush.

Here's to you Cpt. Lou...wherever you are.

Cyndi Lauper Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
by astre

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee: Live Blog

Where the hell am I?

What the hell is this place?

Who moved Myrtle Beach to the mountains?

Where can I find a "Can't Touch This: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina" t-shirt besides my father's dresser?


I'm in Pigeon Forge....not to be confused with Pigeon Ford.

So Dave came into town on his way to chill with his cousins at this log cabin in Sevierville, TN and I decided I would take my 18 hours off from work to do something new. My biggest regret is that I didn't buy any batteries for my camera before I left. Not only is this the home of Dollywood...

...but it's also the home of outlet shopping and all-you-can-eat buffets (that's not a fat joke). It's like I woke up in BF Mangino's heaven...


...(okay that was a fat joke). You can also play a round of mini-golf on a go-kart track while eating your body weight in pancakes here in Pigeon Forge. I have my heart set on a trip to Flap Jack's Pancake Cabin in the morning. If it's anything like I'm expecting I should be devouring a scale model cabin constructed entirely out of pancakes in mere hours.

On the way here I got stink-eyed from some guy at the gas station and then I ate a very mediocre sandwich at the Atlanta Bread Company, which I assume is Ted Turner's attempt at a Panera.


I think I'll stick with Panera where they don't build your hopes up for some good ol' potato soup only to tell you "We're all out of bread bowls". If you introduce the option of turning my dishes into food...don't take it away from me in the blink of an eye...my heart can't take the torture.

Any way...back to Pigeon Forge.

Where the hell am I?

I will try my damndest to get some pictures on the way out tomorrow.